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Rocket Science
By Reece Thompson, Anna Kendrick, Dionne Audain, Nicholas D'Agosto, Vincent Piazza
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Last night, we had soup in the annex with a scientist from kraft foods, an overweight feminist, an interim organist, a woman in a wheelchair who kind of gets on my nerves and the operator of a camera shop.
We in our skinny jeans and ridiculous hats.
And I was kind of dreading the service just because it seemed like a boring thing to do, Ash Wednesday. Everyone was wearing black and the choir singing low, wandering murmurs of hymns as we entered in silence and looked for something to read in the dark pews.
But I guess it got my attention when we all confessed, knelt awkwardly, the whole congregation as one dark and stumbling voice,
We confess our self-indulgent appetites and ways, and our exploitation of other people,
Lord have Mercy,
We confess our waste and pollution of your creation, and our lack of concern
for those who come after us
Lord have Mercy,
We confess our anger at our own frustration, and our envy of those more fortunate
than ourselves,
Lord have Mercy
And as the confessions went on, I looked around me, at all these people who I don't find particularly interesting, at all these people who I would never even stop at the store to talk to, and those words connected us all. Who couldn't mean these words? How can a confession being recited by millions across the globe be so fucking
personal?
And growing up we didn't do this, so I didn't know what he was going to say when we all filed down the center aisle, knelt at the brick step and had a crude cross of ashes smeared on our forehead.
Remember, you are dust, and to dust you will return.
And he said it like he meant it. You, my friend, are going to die.
And it's not every day that someone reminds you of that, and then marks you with this crucifix of ash. It kind of stuck with me. I can't get it out of my head.
We walked back to my apartment, all of us marked and going to die, sobered.
40 days to think about this. 40 days to take a little time to do some digging on the inside.
Maybe Easter's going to mean a little more this year.
Comments (4)
yes, we're all marked, brother. there's a certain kind of confidence and comes with really letting that fact sink deep. have listened to it, yet. is it good? should we plan on celebrating Easter together?
Yes, and it could be that a recession is what we need.
Oh Samm, I've missed this writing of yours very much. I've acknowledged (heh, compared to growing up) Lent the past couple of years, and there's something very stark and powerful in these traditions, and in confession itself, I think. mewithoutYou has this line that's like, "find a friend and stay close and with a melting heart, tell them whatever you're most ashamed of / our parents have made so many mistakes, but may we forgive them and forgive ourselves (and everyone else)..."
My Ash Wednesday this year was particularly striking because it took place at SF General Hospital, where I am doing a multifaith chaplaincy internship, and, after communally confessing (about ten of us in the non-denominational chapel), we passed the ash around, drawing each cross on our neighbor's face and saying those words, "remember..." And maybe mercy is all there is. I would like very much to be around you again, especially to meet Katherine (especially because I bet conversations with her are always interesting and stimulating). I was thinking about how much you showed me about bluntness, tender bluntness maybe, about conversation and writing and being able to question things in a safe place, without judgment, to verbally process. I was thinking about how patient you have been whenever we've talked, with me and my very young and mostly foolish ideas for these years (five years!). And it's ok that our journeys only cross occasionally, but I sure am so grateful they've crossed. Shalom to you this Lent, dear friend.Did she just say tender bluntness?
And PATIENCE?
Who are you and what have you done with my friend?